


Adamantly Unprepared

by Trewestriandta



Series: Blessing or a Curse [2]
Category: Dragon Age
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-18
Updated: 2017-04-18
Packaged: 2018-10-20 14:33:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10664649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trewestriandta/pseuds/Trewestriandta
Summary: Skyhold embraces Rena Hawke with rampant curiosity. Rena Hawke gets unsettled in response.Orlesians have an uncomfortable obsession with Cullen and he has an unfortunate distraction.





	1. Bullheaded

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place before Halamshiral.

"I'm not exactly a fan of all this fake blather and outright lies." Cullen complained but Rena knew by now it was half hearted. The man would take any excuse he could think of to try and dodge his required attendance at The Winter Palace. 

"You don't have to lie Curly," Varric tried to help cajole the man into doing his duty; the irony was not lost on Rena Hawke  at all. "But it's in no ones best interest for you to outright confirm it."

When Cullen gave Varric a look Rena had perfected years ago, she almost laughed her tea out her nose. She'd come to Skyhold a month ago and felt good about bringing Ruth here but apparently in an effort to have her daughter get to know her father, some of Hawke's mannerisms had gotten into the mix. 

"Curly, Hawke gets away with that look because she's a lot cuter to me than you are." Varric flat out shut that shit down and Rena actually got up to walk away from the table for a moment while these two continued to drunkenly bond.

Rena made it about ten steps before a giant hand waved and she found a Qunari wanting her attention. Her diaphragm twitched; phantom pains and a very real scar bore legacy to the last Qunari she'd gotten friendly with. But Rena kept that from showing as she approached the Iron Bull. Varric managed to be on amiable terms with the hulking Charger, but Rena knew her Dwarf friend could befriend a storming sea. "What'cha for?" Rena let the humour in her voice make the suspicion on her face seem like a joke.

"Just wanted to be able to strike 'talk to the scariest human I've ever heard of' off my life achievement list." He grinned at her, the flash of teeth probably meant to be comforting. Oddly enough it worked only because the Arishok she'd respected and then killed had never smiled.

"I've seen what Cassandra did to Varric's book, and you still think I'm scarier?" Rena whistled.

"I've never seen Cullen actually relax enough to get a full beer in let alone three." Bull's non sequitur left Hawke frowning.

"I'm not sure if your suggesting that I used blood magic to change his mind or if I have a magical vagina, but either way fuck you." She put a pleasant look on her face so no one watching would suspect she was one wrong move away from showing the Iron Bull what a little lightning could do.

His grin grew even wider, as if he liked her response. "Well saarebas, anytime you feel up for riding the Bull I can at least promise to not knock you up afterwards." He even leaned forward as he said it.

"Haven't you heard Bull? According to half the stories I was riding your Arishok's dick right up until he tried to stitch my mouth shut." Now Rena's look turned vicious and she knew it. "Of course, those stories also never seem to get the sounds he made as I killed him right either so..." she shrugged, hoping he enjoyed that concept. But Bull's grin stayed pleasant, something that would bug Rena later because she hated admitting her temper let someone get one up on her. "Isn't that why I'm the scariest human you've ever heard of?" 

"Rena?" Cullen's voice drew her attention and she looked over at the ex-Templar that had incidentally fathered her child. He was at the flushed and relaxed stage of drunk, as was Varric and Rena knew that if he saw her standing like she was he'd sober up quick to help her.

"Be right there Curly, don't get your smalls in a bunch." He looked at her and nodded before settling back down. 

"That," Bull's voice growled from too close behind her but Rena refused to jump or spin around, "is why you're the scariest human I've ever heard of." 

"Because I got Cullen to sit down?" Rena didn't try to keep the disbelief out of her voice as she turned to face the strange Qunari.

He laughed at her but she was actually expecting that by this point. "Because I absolutely believe you spoke to the Arishok like that and he listened too." 

"I'm not even sure what it is you're trying to tell me so I'll cut this short." Her back hurt and she was too tired for this shit. "My nipples are cracked and bleeding thanks to breastfeeding my teething daughter, I get the worst heartburn after eating anything with seeds anymore, and I pee a little if I cough too hard. Does any of that make you think I'm overly eager to climb on top of your likely magnificent dick and ride you until you beg me to keep you?" 

"No ma'am." Bull replied respectfully. 

"The moment that changes and I have the desire to be split like a roasting nug, I'll find you." And with that Hawke returned to her own table. 

"What was all that about?" Varric teased, a suspicious glint in his eye warning that his easy humour was as faked as her own. Neither one wanted to ruin Cullen's rare night of self indulgence.

"He was eager for my autograph, apparently I'm famous." Rena made an impressed mue with her lips. "Did you convince the Lionheart that he has to play nice with the Orlesian court?" 

"It's not entirely fair that out of the two of us involved I'm the one expected to attend the Winter Palace and lie about our daughter." Cullen actually sounded disgruntled instead of annoyed. 

"Cullen, we all know you're proud of her," Rena smiled, understanding his desire to brag about the amazing little girl they'd unintentionally made together. "But while you're at the court, remember that all the lies you tell will help keep the nugget safe." She saw him seriously consider that. Then again with four beers into him no arguement was going to be entirely effective.

"You really don't care what anyone says about you." He sounded almost impressed with her ability to give zero bothers.

"Cheri, I'm the Champion of fucking Kirkwall, do I look like I have anything to prove?" Rena spread her arms wide and sat back. 

A slow grin started on Cullen's lips, the scar that bisected the top lip a worrisome distraction. "And if they dare insult our daughter?" He already seemed to anticipate her answer.

"Smile, deflect, take their names, and later I'll find a way to cook their eyeballs from a distance." She was smiling but Rena was fairly certain it wasn't a pleasant grin. 

"Maker's Breathe Hawke!" He sounded disgusted. "Do you actually know what it sounds like when that happens?" He shuddered as Varric made a gagging noise.

"I'm going to need to drink to get that whole thing out of my head." Varric complained. 

"Have mine, I still need to attend to duties in the morning." Cullen slid him the beer he'd been drinking. "I need to go work on the lies I'll be telling in Orlais." He base farewell and wobbled off.

"So how antsy are you without the nugget strapped to you?" Varric prodded without Cullen around to overhear.

"I'm losing my mind." She shrugged honestly. "Which tells me this is likely good for me. But it's hard." Ruth was with The Ambassador and the Nightingale, but it was hard.

"Is that why you're flirting with Curly?" He sounded amused and Hawke laughed.

"Varric, if you haven't figured out how human reproduction works let me just say that I've climbed that man like a mountain already." She teased and Varric flicked shitty beer at her.

"I'm aware of that Hawke," he deadpanned back at her, "but just do me a favour and don't fall in love with the Commander of the Inquisition's armies; Blondie would never let us hear the end of it." 

Rena stared at her best friend flatly. "Cullen is mine because he is Ruth's father. The fact that we can get along at all given the entirety of both our fucked up histories is a blessing." 

"Whatever you say Hawke, but you've officially got a more messed up love life than I do. And that's saying something." Her best friend's smugness didn't bother her; the fact that he might be right did.


	2. Lionheart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Winter Palace where intrigue is the main course and a heart-to-heart is unexpected.

Cullen wasn't sure which of his fellow Advisors had found out about Hawke's nickname for him, but he had heard several Orlesians tittering over the Inquisition's Lion, one had even called him Commander Lionheart. Bad enough that propriety required he stand here and make small talk with the idiotic, glittering court; worse yet that he had to actively lie about or let people talk disrespectful about Rena and Ruth Hawke. But the Inquisitor was trying to build influence here at court so he could not add a dramatic dressing down of nobles to the mix. 

Nira Lavellan had resisted the urge to cloak the Inquisition in identical uniforms, but thankfully Cullen's own attire was comfortably similar to his standard parade dress. Although the trousers were far more slim and snug than he liked, and his backside felt rather on display with the short length of his tunic.

"My dear Commander," one of the masked morons milling around him tried to draw his attention, "there are such stories going about how you and the Champion fathered a beautiful little girl." He had to keep his face blank, not a natural skill for him, but it disguised his now dangerously focused attention. "Although the Amell line has an impressive history," the noble woman continued on, oblivious to how unwanted her arrogant commentary was, "the crossover of the Hawke name does sully any potential a match like that could have provided you." Did people seriously think he and Rena had parented Ruth as  an act of political maneuvering? For once Cullen considered strangling a civilian but kept his mouth shut over his anger. "The benefit being that because there was no legal union, you are free to look for a much better offer." 

Thankfully the Inquisitor strode over and Cullen was spared having to find a response to such a vile statement. All eyes were on Nira Lavellan and her pale gold dress even if all the nobles smartly melted away from her. "Inquisitor, how is the evening treating you so far?" He carefully queried.

"As well as can be expected for being amongst Orlesians." Her tone might have been joking, but Nira Lavellan was deathly serious. Even if she seemed to play the Game masterfully, Nira had no love for it on this level of display, a fact Cullen sympathized with. 

Though he now knew how absolute her control was because he had seen the flash of raw anger on her face when Solas had been introduced as her manservant. She had not betrayed her feelings on the matter publicly but Cullen had spied Nira pulling Solas aside for an angry conference, and now neither one seemed terribly happy with the other. Yet another obstacle he would likely have to deal with but hopefully not while dodging questions about his own sex life.

A surprising flash of red pulled his attention. Empress Celene preferred blue so a distinct red like that properly stood out. But even scanning for it carefully Cullen didn't catch sight of it. Most likely he'd simply caught sight of the red incorporated into the Inquisition symbol on someone's attire, but if bothered him that he didn't know for sure.

"Commander?" The Inquisitor commanded his attention again. 

"Sorry Inquisitor, what was it you were saying?" Cullen flushed at his distracted mind. He disliked the frippery and pomp, but it was his job to be more focused than this. 

"Nothing of ultimate importance Cullen." The Inquisitor seemed amused instead of annoyed but it was hard to always tell. She seemed to be studying his expression, "you'll be home soon Commander." Her careful emphasis on home made him take a deep breath. "It's been decided to hold fast to the original plan." She was so casually at ease that he wondered how a discarded Dalish Mage they'd first suspected to be the cause of the Breach had become such a World mover so gracefully that no one had noticed. 

"What do you require of me for now?" He was eager for the chance to move about and escape the circle of voyeuristic Orlesians. 

"Unfortunately there will be no need for the Commander of the Inquisition's army to jump into action." Nira smiled and Cullen was reminded that the most colourful flowers had the sharpest thorns. 

"So I am to remain at my post until required." He managed not to grumble. 

"Steady on Commander." The Inquisitor patted his arm companionably before swirling off.

Unfortunately for him the Inquisitor's presence had only increased the amount of interested scrutiny he received. And as th agonizing night dragged on, the attendees lost their little good sense to the freely flowing alcohol. Soon Cullen found himself fending off more than just an occasional comment about his possible relationship to the Champion. Infuriatingly, several members of the nobility felt his past indiscretion indicated a promiscuous nature, as if Cullen and Rena being intimate then was permission to interact with his body now. He found his backside touched mor frequently than even bad taste could allow for, and he stood himself against a wall with a table pulled beside him to act as a buffer. 

When the Inquisitor danced with the Grand Ducchess, Cullen was finally relieved of his unwanted posse. He fled the area, eyes watching the audience even as he moved. It helped settle some of his agitation, but Cullen needed to remain on high alert because the night was already filled with surprises. There was a naked man tied in the Empress' room and dead servants in various locations, and an assassin on th loose. He had soldiers stationed with Leliana's scouts but Cullen also stood as a line of defence for the Inquisitor herself. 

Again that flash of red and Cullen felt his whole body turn towards it even as the audience around him burst into applause and movement. He snarled a little, losing sight before he could identify the source of the red he kept spotting. He lost sight entirely and forced himself to focus on the Inquisitor and her chosen strike team slipping out in the ensuing mill of people. He sought out the other two Advisors, a chance to trade information before they resumed their duties, anxiously anticipating murder.

It never happened, instead Nira Lavellan strode into the ballroom and revealed Florianne to be a Venatori agent. To Cullen's almost guilt ridden relief, the Grand Ducchess submitted herself to the will of the Inquisitor instead of putting up a resistance. His time at the Winter Palace should have concluded quietly after that but of course Cullen couldn't just reflex.

That flash of red kept taunting him; too distinct to ignore and familiar enough that Cullen found himself wondering slightly if Rena had snuck herself in. She was awfully well known for doing strange things in the name of not being bored. But he also knew it was unlikely she'd have left Ruth back at Skyhold with neither of them present, so instead he could only search for the red and wonder.  Sadly for him, his preoccupation was picked up by one other. "It's a big, red flower in someone's hair Curly." Varric' voice caught his attention and Cullen looked to see the famed author offer him a drink.

With a frown Cullen took the drink, a pink tinted bubbly that was harsh instead of the expected sweet. Maybe if he could distract himself with the wine enough he wouldn't think about why Varric's answer left him disappointed. "I cannot wait to be away from here." Cullen confessed, finishing the drink in one go. 

"Bad cheese, despair ham, murder plots, and snobby Orlesians, what's not to like?" Varric teased but Cullen wasn't listening. He'd finally caught sight of the flower Varric had mentioned and it was the wrong shade of red after all. "And I thought she was bad, you're both blind idiots." Varric muttered. "Looking for a certain red head Curly?" 

"There was a part of me that almost expected her to show up, yes." He finally admitted with a helpless shrug. If anyone could understand that, Hawke's best friend could. "But I know Rena would not leave Ruth behind so I don't know why." 

"Yeah, Hawke had a hard enough time leaving the nugget with Ruffles while you were both still in Skyhold. Not a chance she'd be here without Ruth strapped to her chest." Varric laughed as he said it.

"I miss the sounds she makes," Cullen couldn't believe he was saying this out loud; who misses a baby crying? "Three months ago and I didn't even... and now she's such an integral part of my life." He gave a little laugh, trying not to feel overwhelmed.

"Curly?" Varric anchored Cullen back into the moment helpfully. "The worst part about all of this is that you still think you're only talking about Ruth. Maker's Balls I need a drink." Varric bitched and walked away, leaving Cullen in stunned silence. 


End file.
